I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
