I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
