I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There r osticjed everywhere
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
