a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
