you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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