i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
