am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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