ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
