when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
a search helicopter?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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