If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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