I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
