is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
