Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
