did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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