If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
