she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
