Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
