Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
