well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
