I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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