"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
