You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
