her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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