WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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