We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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