i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
