After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
