the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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