your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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