Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
