so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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