No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
