I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
