i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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