i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
