Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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