i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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