I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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