the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
