JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
