you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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