my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
