im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
