Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
