I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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