So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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