My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
