Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
