Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
