I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
