Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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