I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
