i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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