I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
